REVIEW: Paul Weller – Fat Pop (Volume 1)

tl:dr…. this is a bin fire, save your ears and listen to the Goldie Lookin’ Chain shanty.

I’m not sure my chiefs at Picky Bastards HQ will let me get away with submitting just that as a review, despite it saying all you need to know. That means not only do I have to listen to this garbage a few more times, it means I need to get savage, just as the world is looking up a bit. And, having been too busy earlier in the week to get stuck in, me listening to this has coincided with The Good Weather. Cheers for ruining summer, Weller.

Christ, we always weave in a bit of artist background, eh. Paul Weller, yada yada Style Council, yada mod, yada yada Eton Rifles, yada yada gave birth to Noel Gallagher, yada yada Changing Man, You Do Something To Me (and it isn’t a good something). Like the painful anticipation of an unfortunately misplaced wax strip, let’s just bloody get it over and done with.

1. ‘Cosmic Fingers’ – The title pisses me off, the electric drums piss me off, the accent pisses me off.
2. ‘True’ – Shit but a duet with someone I’ve not heard of.
3. ‘Fat Pop’ – Was quite good until he started singing/talking cockney over it #ruined
4. ‘Shades of Blue’ – Plinky plonky nonsense, sounds like a kids TV programme theme tune. Will be big at garden parties for Wellends.
5. ‘Glad Times’ – Slow tempo, quite soulful if you have one, which I don’t. Style Council fans will like it. I am not one of them.
6. ‘Cobweb/Connections’ – “Can you see the good things in your life”.. yes, at they start when this ends. Acoustic crud. With recorded fucking clapping! Bet him from Ocean Colour Scene is involved with the claps. I saw him on a train once, literally seeing someone from Ocean Colour Scene on the day I caught the train. Absolutely killed me not to say that to him, but I did give him two packets of pocket sized tissues because he kept sneezing between Cardiff and Abergavenny. I moved after that. Seat, not where I live. Might have if Weller was on the train….
7. ‘Testify’ – I will, at the trial for this 12 track crime.
8. ‘That Pleasure’ – I dont hate it. Well, I hate it less.
9. ‘Failed’ – Correct.
10. ‘Moving Canvas’ – Here comes the brass. This will go down well live, you’ll have to tell me about it though because I won’t put myself through that.
11. ‘In Better Times’ – It doesn’t offend me, but I’m not 100% sure what he is saying. Woodwind this time, it’s like Year 7 music all over again.
12. ‘Still Glides the Stream’ – Brass, strings, the works go into the album closer. It’s almost as if they are celebrating it ending. I know I am.

So, all in all, I hate it. But, in the interests of balance, I quite like the colours on the cover. 0/10, won’t appear on any lists this year, including my Shit List, because that would mean acknowledging it exists.

Words by Lisa Whiteman.